When things don't go as planned

An alternative title for this post could be "This is Why You Do Not Bake On Wax Paper".

Now that everyone sees where this one's going, let's dive right in.

So this past week, I decided that a quick and simple dessert would be cake mix cookies. Cake mix. Rolled in sugar. Baked. 

Sounds easy. 

Too easy. (Well, for me. For any other person on the planet, right now they would be reading this shaking their heads enjoying a delicious cake mix cookie. I know how it is.)

Wow...so many of my ingredients are already in this pale yellow pile! This is great!

I should point out now that I was making lemon cake mix cookies. I'm sure they could be made in any cake mix flavor, but I've really only seen them in lemon and chocolate. 

Maybe the chocolate mix would not have betrayed me so. 

So. I really did read the instructions of the recipe (and it got so many rave reviews that I really can't put any blame on anyone but myself). And I began to roll out the cookies into little yellow ever-so-slightly-lemon-scented orbs. 

And the dough began to ever-so-slightly glue itself to my hands. My now yellow and lemon-scented hands. 

Spiky sticky cookies

I then got the idea (uh oh) to dampen my hands in between cookies. Which did help, as the cookies turned out smoother and my hands were less glued to every surface within 4 feet. 

Brilliance at work

So my plan (a Kitchenphobe, a plan, Panama?) was to form all of the cookies, then roll them in the sugar. When I tried lifting the cookies off of the sheet, well, even I had predicted what was going to happen.

Sticky cookie residue

I persevered, maintaining a "let's see what happens" attitude. 

Okay, looking better...

Oh boy, that looks like a mess. 

This pan looks like even more of a mess, because I had gotten frustrated with putting cookies in rows at this point. "They're baking where I put them, damn it!"

Okay STOP. Imagine the sound of screeching brakes here. Or, more accurately, imagine the sound of a smoke alarm here. Or, you don't even have to imagine it. This is what happened, oh, about 12 seconds after I put the cookies into the oven, and persisted throughout the entire baking process, irregardless of magazine waving, window opening, and flat-out ignoring by/near/of it. 

(Wow, how messed up was that last sentence?) 

Why, oh why, did this happen? Please refer back to the alternative title of this post. Oh, you don't have to refer back, I won't make you do that. "This is Why You Do Not Bake On Wax Paper".

Why don't you bake on wax paper, my friends? 

Because this happens. 

Typing mmm or yum would be such a lie right now. 

Yeah.

Gross, right?

Oh and the whole house began to smell like lemon plastic. My mom asked if they could be known as Lysol cookies. 

Do you guys have disinfecting powers?

As you can probably tell, I didn't even let the cookies bake all the way. The smoke alarm was beeping. I had declared the cookies a disaster. 

At least I didn't have to wait for them to cool to store them properly

I think if I had been baking for an actual occasion, I would have probably been more upset over my un-servable cookies. I chose to look at it as a learning experience. 

And what was the moral of this story?

Don't use materials that can melt as a surface for preparing food (particularly where heat is involved). 

Breakfast of Champions

Originally uploaded by Kitchenphobe

I know, I know, I didn't make this (was the content itself a giveaway, or the ubiquious paper wrapping?). I also didn't construct the streetlights in the last photo.

But (another teaser?) I will be back in the kitchen soon, once again taking the various baking items out of the pantry. Promise.

However, I couldn't resist sharing my absolute most favoritest breakfast EVER with the internet. It's a small world after all...

This, if you are looking at my meal questioningly, is a taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a bagel. And oh, is it good.

Does this exist in other parts of the world? I hate to think that this is just a regional staple, but I have a slight inkling that it might be. Consulting an information go-to, Wikipedia seems to confirm my suspicions. (Actually also, when typing in "Taylor Ham" to the search field, it automatically pops up with "Pork Roll". While these terms are considered synonymous elsewhere, in my head they are not. And yes, I am well aware I am opening this up for a great battle/debate/throwdown of Taylor Ham vs. Pork Roll (and perhaps the ever-popular Hero vs Hoagie vs Sub vs Whatever Else It's Called In Your State/Town/House debate).) 

Anyways...if this doesn't exist by you, I'm very sorry. Because it is simply the best way to start your day, no matter what you call it (although I personally will hold fast to my naming beliefs). 

Streetlights

Originally uploaded by Kitchenphobe

I like this picture. I like that you can't tell where it is (not that there's anything to hide). I like that all of the glowing lights are ever so slightly different.

I didn't even take out my camera with the intent of the vague streetlights - my camera was still on the macro setting and I thought "why not?"

Happy Birthday Adam!

Okay.

I really didn't mean to leave you guys hanging with a mere tease of dessert for that long. I could make excuses, say that I didn't want to reveal the birthday dessert treat before Adam's actual birthday occurred, as to not ruin the surprise. 

I'm not going to make excuses - that's lame. 

What I will do, which is decidedly (decided by who? me.) not-lame (which makes it instantly lame by calling it that), is show you several pictures of desserty deliciousness and call it a day. 

Yup, that sounded good to me too. Perfect. 

So what did I decide to make for Adam's birthday?? 

Malted Milk Bars

Ready? Let's go. 

I would like to start off by saying that I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES. Having dealt with baking things that just would not let go of the pan, I refused to let that happen again. I read AND followed the "preparing of the pan" instructions. 

I know, that's really pretty remarkable for me. 

A vertiable fortress of non-stick

Look at that greasing of the pan and aluminum foil job. Nothing's gonna stick there. 

(It's probably not a good sign how much of a look of satisfaction I had already)

Dry ingredients

Pre-meltage

Post-meltage

This totally gross-looking picture is sugar and vanilla. And by the looks of it, I'm pretty sure I would be able to have the bowl all to myself. Yay. 

Four eggs. 'Cause the recipe said so. I'm such a good listener.

The batter beginning to come together

Hey batter batter batter batter...okay I'll stop now.

The brownies, all baked

[For accuracy purposes, you can now stop here and come back in a day to finish the recipe. That's what I did.]

[Also for accuracy purposes, you can totally not realize you don't have powdered sugar on hand until you've already mixed together part of the topping. Or you can be totally prepared with all ingredients on hand. Someday I'll be like that. Ha.]

Oooey gooey topping. 

Oooey gooey topping, meet brownies

Bashing candy with a wooden spoon is fantastic for letting out all that frustration at yourself for not realizing you didn't have powdered sugar. 

Ta-da!

Oooh. Ahh. 

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Check out that topping action

Happy birthday Adam!!!


So was the birthday boy happy?

Adam (entirely un-prompted for the blog, btw): Have I ever told you that your brownies make me happy I'm alive?

I think that's pretty good praise, don't you? 

A bit of a tease, really

Originally uploaded by Kitchenphobe

So Adam's birthday is rapidly approaching, and I have been pondering the celebratory confection for some time. Should I make a cake? Cookies? A pie?

I have an idea in mind....but he (and by proxy, you as well), will have to wait...

(Oh yes, and so this post wasn't entirely me being vague, here is an incredibly close picture of a leaf. Enjoy, and have a safe and fun holiday weekend!)

Back in the Kitchen

Recently I've been hearing some feedback from the peanut gallery that while photos of grass blades or fruit or my feet are all well and good, aren't I supposed to be, well, cooking? 

This is true. And they are right. 

Coincidentally (conveniently?), these comments happened right around the time I heard rumor of a "National Cake Day". As I said before, is this a real holiday? I have no idea. Is it a fantastic reason to bake a cake? Absolutely.

(Yes, any day is a fantastic reason to bake a cake, but doesn't celebrating something make the entire occurrence seem that much more festive?) 

Okay. So. Cake. What to make? What to make? What to make? I wanted something fun and festive, and above all, crowd pleasing. 

I'm all about my audience. 

My mom likes chocolate cake. My dad likes vanilla cake. I like cake.

Hence, the idea for the chocolate/vanilla cake was born. 

However, we have seen before how I like to go with a theme and turn up the voltage a little bit. Nothing too major...if a cookie is to have one type of chocolate, why not two? 

So for the chocolate layer of the cake, I decided to add white chocolate chips. For the vanilla layer of the cake, chocolate chips would be added. Oh, the craziness. 

(I would like to point out, before any visual evidence of this weekend is revealed, that in my mind right now, I envisioned a delightfully speckled cake - much to the likeness of a domino). Let's see how this goes.

For the chocolate layer, I decided to go with a tried and true recipe, which has been seen in such posts as the cake I made for my parents anniversary. A new player was tossed into the mix for the white cake. 

Ready? Set? Let's go!

I know we've seen this recipe in progress before, but I liked this picture.

The two cakes, bonding before going into the oven together. 

The white cake, fresh out of the oven and springy to the touch. 

Okay. 

Did you guys miss me and my kitchen antics (calamities?)? 

Remember how I thought it would be delightfully clever to intermix chocolate chips of the contrasting color into each of the layers? Remember how I had visions of dominos dancing through my head? 

Half of my vision came true. 

The white cake is a sturdy, lovely, cake with a thick batter. The chocolate cake is baked with a liquid batter. This means that you are putting the structural equivalent of hot chocolate into your oven. This made me incredibly nervous the first time I was baking this recipe (but really, when am I not nervous in the kitchen, ever so slightly?), but trust me it is an absolutely fantastic chocolate cake. 

However, and I did not think of this prior to adding the white chocolate chips, a liquid batter is not conducive to supporting chips or other add-ins (at least, from what I have seen. If anyone has any technique, please let me know!), as they will sink to the bottom of the pan. When I added the chips, they promptly sank. I stirred them slightly. 

I paused.

I then put that pan, along with the cooperating white cake layer pan into the oven, my mind whirring about what the cake would look like when it came out of the oven. Maybe all of the white chocolate chips will be beautifully adorning the cake, and when I take it out of the pan, I won't even need to frost the top of the cake! my mind thought. 

Um, sure. 

I would really really like to emphasize that this cake really is a great cake recipe. Really. Really really. It's my fault for getting whimsical. 

Are you ready? I wasn't. 

eep. 

Basically, yes, all of the white chocolate chips had sunk, and stuck to the bottom of the pan, taking the center of the cake with them. 

I would also like to reassure you all that you are first and foremost on my mind, as my very first reaction was not to cry, or laugh, it was to grab my camera and start clicking. 

The cake. With a giant crater out of the middle. 

Upon seeing this destruction, Adam, who had been helping and cracking little humorous quips throughout the process, promptly grabbed the missing piece, and returned it to its home, all the while reassuring the small crowd that had gathered around the sorry little cake, "It can be fixed! It can be fixed!"

Looks good to us. 

Looking at the heap of chocolate cake one more time, I swiftly began to cover it with heaping amounts of whipped cream. 

(Whipped cream! Not only does it taste good, it covers a multitude of baking calamities!) 

Huge giant hole out of the middle of the center? I see nothing.

Then, with a small audience (of two), I deftly plopped the vanilla layer on top of the chocolate layer, only getting it off-center by about an inch. 

Looking like a cake...

Even though this layer was whole and healthily sprinkled throughout with semi-sweet chocolate chips, it too got smothered in an even-thicker layer of whipped cream. 

In my house, there is never any objection to copious amounts of whipped cream frosting.

We could have stopped there. 

But we didn't. The cake was assembled. The whimsy and excitement in the room was becoming rapidly infectious. We saw every reason ever justifiable to add more sugar to the mix.

Wheee!!! Sprinkles!!

Oh man...this is looking good.

Proud and relieved, I then walked away for a moment. Probably not even a moment. A second. A millisecond. 

However, this was enough time for the Zest King to begin to play with some of the abandoned objects on the table. 

I'd like to point out that the cake was still sitting right next to this bowl. 

He then made sprinklehenge. 

I then put away the sprinkles. And the cutlery.

And, most importantly, the cake.

Later, sliced.

So...how was it?

Are you all perilously on the edge of your seats? 

IT WAS DELICIOUS. 

Working from the plate up, the chocolate layer was rich and moist, without being overwhelming. Appearances aside (and really, appearances didn't even matter when the cake was assembled), the cake was fantastic, as I had remembered it being. The white layer was lovely and delicately flavored, a delicious compliment to the chocolate (although I would absolutely recommend this cake making a solo appearance as well. This is not a recipe that needs to only be performing backup. Main stage, baby!). The whipped cream frosting? While it is my favorite frosting (tied with cream cheese frosting), and I could be arguably biased, it was a perfect frosting for this cake, light and airy in contrast to the different layers of cake texture. 

I'll say it again...DELICIOUS. 

My slice of cake, mid-way through eating. 

I realized this isn't the first time I've shown my half-eaten food close up on this website. Is that gross? I'm not sure. (Is that gross, that I don't know?) 

Check out the layers.

So as the sun began to set on National Cake Day (er, weekend), we relaxed, full of chocolate and vanilla and cream.

And sprinkles.

You can't forget the sprinkles. 

I spy with my little eye something damp

Hello friends!

I hope you're all having a good week, thinking good thoughts and treating yourself with chocolate or other what-have-you goodies. 

It's time for another installment of "Kitchenphobe wanders around her backyard," the post-rain edition.

Wet blades of grass

Going in for a closer look...

A spiderweb across grass blades

Who else has No Doubt stuck in their head right now? I totally do.

So. Rumor has it that National Cake Day is on Saturday...I'm not entirely convinced this is real or true, but nonetheless I plan to celebrate. At the very least, it will be Cake Day on Tales of a Kitchenphobe. We're all about the festivities here.